Video · 9 minutes · C-PTSD · Men

C-PTSD is not only a combat diagnosis and not only a women’s diagnosis. Men develop it after long-term abuse, neglect, or other inescapable harm. This video covers five signs I see often in men, and why those same signs can keep them out of treatment.

Watch the video below. A written summary and transcript follow.

What this video covers

  • How C-PTSD differs from PTSD
  • Why men are easy to miss in the usual picture of complex trauma
  • Five signs: shame, repressed emotion, anger, lack of trust, not asking for help
  • Why generic therapy often fails here

Key takeaways

  • PTSD is often framed as a single-event injury. C-PTSD comes from repeated or prolonged trauma, often in childhood or in a relationship you could not leave.
  • About 1 in 6 boys is sexually assaulted before 18. In at least a third of cases the abuser is a family member. Most men never tell anyone.
  • Shame is often the first sign in men, not a movie-style flashback.
  • Numbness and anger can be two sides of the same problem: feelings treated as dangerous.
  • The symptoms that protect you can also block help. That is not a character flaw. It is the logic of survival.
  • Help can be safe. Look for someone trained in complex trauma, not only a generalist.

Who this is for

This video is for men who:

  • Function at work and still feel ashamed, shut down, or quick to rage
  • Grew up with abuse, neglect, violence, or a parent who was mentally ill or addicted
  • Have been told they have PTSD, depression, or anger problems and still feel unseen
  • Do not want to perform pain in order to be taken seriously

Five signs

1. Shame

Men are often trained to look unbreakable. Nightmares, flashbacks, and anxiety are common in C-PTSD. In men, the first tip-off is often an unusually strong sense of shame: embarrassment that the past still matters, or guilt as if the abuse were their fault.

2. Repressed emotions

If feeling is coded as weakness, numbness can look like competence. Outsiders may read it as coldness. Close people may get humor, work, or intellect instead of affection.

3. Acting out in anger

Anger is often the socially permitted emotion. The harm has nowhere else to go, so it lands on people nearby. That pattern is a symptom, not proof that you are only an angry man.

4. Lack of trust

If someone close hurt you young, caution in adulthood is reasonable. The same caution can keep you from the relationships and treatment that would help.

5. Unwillingness to ask for help

Shame, numbness, anger, and distrust add up here. You keep people at arm’s length and avoid the help that could actually change the pattern.

Next step

If you are a California resident and want to discuss fit, request a consult.

Transcript

CPTSD in Men

C-PTSD and men. When you hear the title of this video you may have focused on the familiar letters, PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder can be a debilitating condition brought on by enduring or witnessing a traumatic experience. C-PTSD adds the word complex for a good reason. Someone with C-PTSD has suffered long-term and chronic trauma, and that makes the condition and recovering from it more complex.

Traumatic experiences that tend to lead to C-PTSD often include repeated or prolonged physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Some of the men I have worked with lived with the chronic fear of being raised by a mentally ill or drug-addicted parent. Others grew up in homes that regularly exploded with violence. There are more extreme sources of ongoing trauma as well: kidnapping, slavery, prostitution, and more.

In casual conversation PTSD is often associated with soldiers. C-PTSD is often connected to women who were sexually abused as children. There is much more to both. Men get C-PTSD too.

The numbers may not be well known, but they are no less shocking. At least 1 in 6 boys is sexually assaulted before the age of 18. In at least one-third of those cases the abuse is carried out by a family member. Boys are also made victims of prostitution; the average age in those studies is about 11 or 12. Men are very unlikely to tell anyone if they have been sexually abused or assaulted.

Men who went through trauma as children often suffer greatly as adults. They are more likely to smoke, become alcoholic, become addicted to drugs, or engage in risky sexual behavior. They more often struggle with weight, anxiety, panic, and depression. Male adults victimized by ongoing childhood trauma are far more vulnerable to developing C-PTSD.

Five ways to know if you’re affected

Shame. Men are conditioned to behave stoically and to avoid looking weak. That leads many men to avoid their feelings. Nightmares, flashbacks, and anxiety are common. For a man, the first tip-off may be an unusually strong sense of shame — embarrassment that what happened still causes problems, or guilt as if the abuse were his fault.

Repressed emotions. Many men live with an unquestioned belief that feelings are dangerous. A common offshoot of shame is stuffing feelings down. Some men choose numb detachment. They may seem cold. Even with loved ones they may be unable to show affection and instead rely on humor, intellect, or work.

Acting out in anger. This is the other side of numbness. Anger is often the more socially acceptable way to show emotion. You have endured something terrible and may not know what to do with it, so it can land on people who have to take it from you.

Lack of trust. If someone close hurt you young, it stands to reason that you would be slow to trust as an adult. Sadly, the symptoms of C-PTSD in men often prevent them from getting help.

Unwillingness to ask for help. The signs above add up here. You push feelings aside, suppress them, maybe act out in rage, and keep others at arm’s length. That is a recipe for avoiding the help that could guide you to recovery.

Help can be safe, and helpers can be trustworthy. The right kind of therapy can help you put the past behind you in a healthy way. Trauma affects the nervous system, relationships, emotion, physical health, and, for some men, their spiritual life.

Find a seasoned trauma therapist, ideally someone who knows how to treat complex trauma. I have worked with many clients who had therapy that did not help, or that left them worse, even when everyone meant well. Sometimes they were working with a generalist who did not have the training or experience this work requires. Most clinicians do not get that training.

To learn more about overcoming C-PTSD, spend time with the trauma articles on www.michaelgquirke.com.

This page and video are for education. They are not therapy, a diagnosis, a crisis service, or a substitute for personal assessment. Psychotherapy is available to California residents.