When you consider what causes complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) — and what its most common symptoms are — it’s only logical to assume it will affect your relationships. We’re talking about ongoing abuse, violence, or neglect that often commences during childhood. Feelings of betrayal, hyper-vigilance, and distrust aren’t exactly conducive to feeling safe when relating with others.

As daunting as this sounds, it can be effectively addressed. You can feel secure again. You can recover and enjoy healthy, fulfilling romantic partnerships. A giant step in this direction involves doing the work to understand how C-PTSD can impact sexuality and intimacy in your life.

Complex Trauma Is Associated with Feeling Unsafe

Typically, people look forward to experiencing the uncertainty and risks of falling in love. It’s part of the allure and mystery. A complex trauma survivor, however, has had enough uncertainty for 10 lifetimes. They have been traumatized (often by people they know) and feel compelled to take active steps to avoid being triggered.

Intimacy leads us to a place of vulnerability. Even when someone with C-PTSD is happy and interested, the perceived danger that sexuality presents can feel like a bridge too far. They may push lovers away or even lash out at anyone who shows attraction. Let’s explore what this looks and feels like.

Signs That C-PTSD Is Impacting Your Sexuality and Intimacy

An Unwillingness to Trust

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder very often stems from childhood abuse. At a very young age, you’re taught to not trust anyone — not even those who are here to protect you. As you can imagine, this makes it challenging to open up to a future romantic partner.

Repeating Traumatic Patterns

If complex trauma is left unhealed and unresolved, as adults we may repeat similar cycles. We end up in essentially the “same relationship” time and time age. This does not contribute to us becoming comfortable with being intimate with anyone.

Emotional and Relationship Avoidance

Being traumatized at a young age leaves us without the coping skills we need to handle complex relationships later in life. As a result, it simply feels safer and easier to avoid relationships and the uncomfortable emotions that they provoke. You feel that no one will get you anyway; no one understands what you’ve endured. Therefore, avoidance is the only thing that makes you feel safe.

You Can Take Steps to Heal

Perhaps the most essential step you can take is to identify your triggers and patterns. This is not as easy as it might sound but can change your life in a substantial way. Understanding what can cause you to spiral in a counterproductive manner is how you begin making a powerful shift.

Triggers can be challenging to recognize but a trauma-informed therapist is an ideal guide during such an effort. From there, your dysfunctional coping patterns become more obvious and more preventable. This positions you to move forward in ways like:

Developing Healthy Coping Skills

C-PTSD causes emotional dysregulation which, in turn, increases the likelihood that fear of intimacy and sexuality will provoke unhealthy reactions. When you know your triggers and patterns, you can recalibrate how you respond to moments of fear and confusion, e.g. positive self-talk, self-care, grounding techniques, and more.

Increased Self-Esteem

By improving your levels of self-esteem, you not only helped counter the impact of complex trauma but you’re better equipped to partake in a healthy romantic relationship.

Connecting with Compatible Partners

As you heal, you can better identify what you’re looking for and hence, set yourself up for compatibility and interdependence.

All of this can begin when you reach out for help. C-PTSD may currently be an obstacle but you can get the help you need to break free.

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