Being in a loving, caring, and affirming relationship is a wonderful thing.
You feel supported by your partner, and you know that their feelings are based on mutual respect.
Yet, what happens if you’re someone who has experienced trauma, even when very young? Can that lead to relationship problems later in life?
Yes, a history of trauma in the past could cause problems in your present relationship.
Consider the following reasons for how trauma—even if it happened a very long time ago—can still have an effect on your relationships today.
Not Knowing the Difference Between Caring and Abuse
For those who suffered from emotional trauma when young, it can be hard to understand what real caring and love are as an adult.
Instead, the trauma you experienced reinforces that somehow you are undeserving of love. This is the result of being with people who are manipulative and cruel.
However, when you are young you may not realize this. The wrong message gets instilled in you, which, in time, influences your relationship problems in the present.
Remember that caring is when someone accepts you for who you are and sees you as a human being. Abuse is always about manipulation, control, and power.
Being Told It’s Your Fault
Another way that a history of trauma impacts people’s relationship problems is when they are blamed for something that isn’t their fault.
Abusive people, whether it’s your parents or an abusive partner, may tell you that your problems are your own fault. Or they may even blame you for their problems.
This is a very damaging and traumatic message to receive. It implies that anything bad that happens in a relationship is entirely your liability. Yet, that doesn’t make sense, as it leaves the other partner blameless. In a relationship, it takes “two to tango,” as they say.
Moreover, when you are a child, the fault really lies entirely with the adult.
Needing to Be the Grown-Up Early On
Sometimes, children see their parents struggling and, in turn, become the parents themselves. They make sure that their parent gets up to go to work on time. And they may even shield younger siblings from the wrath of their parent.
This is also a form of trauma that influences personal relationship later one.
As a child, you’ve learned to always be on your tiptoes and be sensitive when around your parent so that they don’t explode. As adults, you take that lesson and apply it to your relationship, which often only causes problems with your partner.
Not Understanding What Real Love Is
When you have a history of trauma, you really don’t get to learn what real love is like. And that undermines honesty and trust.
The love between two people should be mutually supportive. It ought to allow both partners to feel emotionally safe. And your partner should be someone who you know will back you up 100 percent.
There should never be any doubt as to whether they are genuine and honest with you!
How Trauma Therapy Can Help With Relationship Problems
If you think that you experienced a history of trauma in your past and that it’s impacting your current relationship, consider trauma therapy.
It can help you put into context why your present relationship problems exist and make the connection to how you learned about relationships in the first place. Trauma therapy can also guide you toward finding healthier and more supportive relationships and to resolve your history of trauma.
The answer to the question “Can a history trauma lead to relationship problems?” is an unequivocal “Yes.”
Yet, that doesn’t mean that you are doomed to a future of unhealthy relationships. By participating in trauma therapy, you will be able to finally fully understand how trauma and relationship issues are related, for you specifically.
If you would like to know more about how it works, please click HERE.